


slow down (they don't love you like i love you)

by rajishana



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2018-10-28 20:04:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 70
Words: 7,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10838433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rajishana/pseuds/rajishana
Summary: Scanlan leaves, and Pike says nothing. Scanlan leaves, and Pike is fine.A series of drabbles about drifting apart and coming together.





	1. Pike

Pike understands what it means to die – to know, as half your body spills across the floor and the blackness takes you, that you’ve failed everyone you care about. She knows what it is to suddenly, unexpectedly, wake up. She knows the anger raging behind Scanlan’s eyes, hiding his fear. She remembers the echoes of her own, twisting in her gut like poison. 

He leaves without saying anything to her, leaving behind a swath of heartbreak and grief, and she’s sad, of course she is. But he needs this, she knows, and – and she’ll be fine. She has to be.


	2. Scanlan

He says exactly what he needs to. He spews vicious lies and half-truths, stabs each of them hard where it hurts most. He keeps the scorn in his voice thick, and he’s angry enough about Kaylie that even he wonders how much of what he’s saying is to burn the bridge of their friendship and how much is simply catharsis.

In response, they’re furious and desperate – Vex and Vax and Percy; they’re sad and resigned – Grog and Pike and Keyleth. Oh, his friends, the legends. He can’t keep up with this – with them. Scanlan’s just an old, tired oathbreaker, now.


	3. Scanlan

Scanlan says nothing to Pike; the lie he knows will work – not that he doesn’t love her or that she means nothing to him, but that she used his affection to make herself feel good and that she was too afraid to go after the person she really wanted – that, he can’t bear to say.

(a dark voice whispers _you’re a coward – you don’t want to admit that you’ve always been her second-best_ ).

So, he says nothing as he leaves. It’s the kindest gift he knows he can give her – and anyway, she’s probably tired of him following her around.


	4. Scanlan

Their first night away, Scanlan summons the mansion with a flourish.

“Nice digs,” Kaylie says with a grin, “What you got to eat around here?”

“Anything and everything you desire,” Scanlan says. His smile is stretched on his face and he is trying very, very hard.

“Well don’t be creepy about it,” Kaylie says. Scanlan catches a glimpse of a smile and relaxes, a little. They eat together, meats and fresh fruit, ale of all sorts.

 _(there is no chicken on the table)_.

On the mantle is the painting Garmelie made of Vox Machina.

It doesn’t bother him. It doesn’t.


	5. Pike

She misses him.

Pike drinks more, laughs less, with him gone. She feels – a little small, for the first time in a long time, and the rampant voice ( _not good enough not good enough too many mistakes you can’t come back from this one kid_ ) grows a tiny bit louder.

She talks to him each night. Apologizes that her magic ( _weird_ ) makes him so uncomfortable. Hopes that it settles in soon. She tells him about her day -- jokes she thought of, how Grog pretended to be Francois Bertrand Jean-Luc Australia and pronounced it _Francer Bertie Joon-Luck Oustrafafa_.

He doesn’t answer.


	6. Scanlan

He’s not bored. He could never be bored with Kaylie, who is just as much of a wonder and just as much of a shit as he’d ever imagined. He’s so proud to be her father. Sometimes, when she grins at him after snatching some coin, or beating him out in a duet _(he won’t have to lose on purpose for long),_ he thinks she might be too.

So what if he gets a little restless sometimes? So what if he yearns for something tougher than a bar fight? He knows why he’s doing this. Kaylie is all that matters.


	7. Kaylie

She doesn’t know why she asked him to come. Kaylie doesn’t miss her mother much, and she’s got no real home to miss. It’s not like she needs Scanlan around. She can handle herself just fine. But she remembers how angry he got, how desperately he wanted her to believe he kept his promise.

He’ll get bored, eventually. A man like that always does. After all, she knows Scanlan misses the adventure of it all, misses Vox Machina in particular. They’re his family.

But she’s family too. If he’s dumb enough to stay then she’s selfish enough to let him.


	8. Pike

Time passes, it always does. In Vasselheim, Pike fills her days with Sarenrae’s work, and with the fights at the Crucible. At night, she teaches Grog to read. He writes his name, then hers, then writes out _Scan-_ but can’t quite remember the rest.

One night he asks her:

“Did I do it wrong?”

Pike looks up at him, confused. “No, the S is facing the right way. You’re doing it right.”

“No, the whaterfuck, with Scanlan. Did I do it wrong?”

Pike sighs. “Oh, Grog. We all did, I think.”

When she’s done, she runs a bakery. It’s enough.


	9. Kaylie

Kaylie thinks she’s getting to know her Da—Scanlan, pretty well. He’s not anything like she imagined he would be when she was young. Or, well, he is, but he’s more, too. She thought it would be suffocating, having him around, all protective and the like. She’s surprised to realize he’s not so bad when you get to know him. He doesn’t brag, tell her stories of grand adventure and craziness ( _or, well, he doesn’t_ just _tell her those_ ) but of her grandmother Juniper or how he learned to play music. It’s not so bad, having her Da, Kaylie decides.


	10. Scanlan

Kaylie meets a man from Vasselheim. Trying to impress her, he regales her of the greatness that is his city while she steals the greatness that is his wallet. Scanlan sits off to the side, uninterested, until the man mentions the Crucible and a small gnome lady like Kaylie herself, who was second-champion. A woman who fought naked, who got up and got up and got up, until she finally beat her opponent down.

Scanlan’s finally started to settle into being a father, and Kaylie doesn’t ask him if he wants to go back like she used to. He wonders.


	11. Scanlan

He’s thinking about it, more and more. Visiting, you know. It’s a good time of year, and it’s not like he and Kaylie are _avoiding_ them. He’s on the verge of deciding, when Kaylie slugs a man following her in an alley.

“Why the _fuck_ are you following my daughter?” Scanlan demands. Mythcarver is ringing in his hand.

The man’s from Whitestone. They’ve been following him. Following him for over a goddamn year.

“Da?” Kaylie sounds worried, and like she’s pretending not to be.

“It’s fine,” Scanlan says. He modifies the man’s memory, and sends him home with a letter.


	12. A Letter, Part One

_Vox Machina,_

_Stay out of my fucking business. Is it too much to ask that you respect my personal space?_

_Of course it is. For a bunch of people who say they love their family, you sure have a funny way of showing it. You have no clue what family is. Keep your collective daddy issues out of my life._

_As for Mr. Percival Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo the Douche, ask Cassandra how she liked being kept in a cage._

_Fuck off,_

_Scanlan Shorthalt._

Pike looks up from the letter. “Percy,” she asks softly, “What did you do?”


	13. Pike

Pike isn’t – angry. She’s disappointed. Partly in Grog and Percy, and partly in herself, because she honestly doesn’t know if she wouldn’t have done the same thing.

Hadn’t she needed time away after her death? How would she have felt, to know that the people she cared about had spied--

Scanlan had told Vox Machina that they didn’t care about him. That they only saw him as a useful, funny tool. Faced with Vox Machina’s possessive instinct, more than the anger and disappointment and shame is the fear. If he came back now, would Scanlan think that he was right?


	14. A Letter, Part Two

_Dear Scanlan,_

_You might not get this letter, or open it, or read it. That’s okay. I wanted to say that we’re sorry. We knew you needed time for you and Kaylie and we didn’t respect that. It won’t happen again, I promise._

_I hope you’re doing well, and that you’re happy. I know Kaylie must be happy to have you around. You’re so much more than you think, Scanlan. I didn’t tell you that when you left. You’re always welcome here. You’ll always be our family, even if we’re not yours._

_Sincerely,_

_Pike Trickfoot_

 

 

**_Hi ScAnlAn. MiSS YOu._**

 

**_GrOG_ **

 


	15. Kaylie

“Oi, looks like you got a letter. From Whitestone, it says.”

The crowd is a drunken roar behind the curtain and her Da is wiping sweat off his brow, catching his breath after their performance. Kaylie hears them shouting their names. A right duo, they are.

More than a little sweaty herself, Kaylie tries to hand it over. Scanlan blinks. “I don’t want it.”

“You sure?” She asks, doubtful.

He laughs, a born showman, and leaps back onto the stage, ready for their encore.

Kaylie shrugs and tosses it. Her Da’s a grown man. He can make his own decisions.


	16. Grog

Grog does lots of things really, really well. Like fightin’, or drinkin’. There’s no reason to be embarrassed to be practicing writing with Pike. Sometimes you gotta be shit at something before you get better. Like Keyleth with talking to people or Tary with not crying.

“I got it right, right? He’s gonna be able to read it?”

“It’s _wonderful_.”

“Um, Pike, you know I’m still learnin’ right? And I’m a _super_ good student so I can read all sorts of letters. But, um, when Scanlan writes back. Will you, uh, will you read it to me?”

“Of course, Grog.”


	17. Scanlan

A few weeks later, he’s a little curious. He’s still mad, obviously, and he did the right thing, ignoring it. But. He’s curious.

“Hey Kaylie,” he says, “have you happened to receive any more of those letters?”

Kaylie looks over at him suspiciously. “No. Why, should I be?”

“No, no,” he says, reassuring. “I was just wondering.”

Kaylie scoffs and gulps down her tankard of ale with a belch. “What kind of idiot keeps sendin’ letters to someone who don’t even bother to write back?”

“Right,” Scanlan says. “Who would?”

He laughs, and Kaylie watches him carefully over her mug.


	18. A Letter, Part Three

_Dear Scanlan,_

_I don’t know if you got our last letter. Even if you did, I don’t expect you to write back, although I hope you do for Grog’s sake. So much has happened since I wrote you last. We even saw my family! If you see them, please avoid them if you can. They’re not good people._

_We’re leaving soon again and I can’t help but wish you were here. We’re going somewhere very dangerous. ~~If I don’t come back~~  It might take a while, so don’t be surprised if you don’t hear from me._

_With love,_

_Pike Trickfoot_


	19. A Letter, Part Four

_**ScAnlAn,** _

_**pErCY gOT rEAllY mAd AnD WOn’T WriTE. HE kEEpS SAYing, “THAT SOn Of A BiTCH,” wHiCH iS vErY ruDE. I’m grAnD pOOBA, DE DOink, THO, SO HE lEfT mE in CHArgE Of THiS AnD THAT.** _

_**vEx SAYs Hi. SHE OpEnD An CAkE SHOP WiTH TArY. SHE iS VErY fAnCY nOW. vAx wEnT TO THE Air SAfAri WiTH KEYlETH. iT iS vErY BOrinG HErE nOW. PiKE’S fAmilY ArE DiCks.** _

_**i gAvE YOur mOm JunipEr A niCE SAlT liCk rOCk AT vEx’S HOuSE. PikE HElpD mE WriTE HEr nAME.** _

_**GOT TO GO fuCk up SOmE GOds. SOrrY ABOuT THE SpY.** _

_**GrOG** _


	20. Scanlan

He’s in his room at the inn when he feels a tingle. He glances down at his pants briefly before acknowledging that no, it’s not that kind of tingle. Then he recognizes it -- the faint, familiar sense of being watched by someone he knows. He lifts his middle finger into the air, rejecting the sensation.

The air crackles with the familiar scent of ozone and magic. Air starts to swirl around his room, flinging his playing cards across the room and completely ruining his game of solitaire.

A figure blossoms into light. His heart beats faster in his chest.

“Vex.”


	21. Scanlan

Of course it’s Vex. He didn’t know who else he thought it would be. She’d done this to get Kaylie before. Why wouldn’t she come barging back into his life like she owned it?

(a dark voice – _remember why she got Kaylie last time_ and he _doesn’t want to know.)_

“Scanlan!” Vex says, her voice filled with relief. Scanlan feels a tumble of emotions in his chest.

“Go away, I don’t want you here.”

He turns to leave, and Vex grabs him by the shoulders, her fingers digging into his skin.

“Scanlan,” Vex says, eyes wet and desperate. “It’s Pike.”


	22. Scanlan

Scanlan’s head is spinning. It’s not like it was impossible, Pike -- getting hurt.

( _she’s dead_ )

He’s experienced this before. Has seen it in person, for gods’ sake.

( _she’s dead_ )

He shouldn’t be surprised, people die all the time.

Vex is talking, her voice growing in urgency and volume until she’s shouting.

“Scanlan, you have to go, you have to help.”

Vex is crying, now, and snot is starting to drip from her nose and she’s a fucking ugly crier, but he’s known that for a while, now.

( _Pike is dead_ )

“Kaylie,” he says, far away. “I have to find Kaylie.”


	23. Kaylie

Kaylie is only three cups deep when her Da finds her, not nearly drunk enough to miss the sweat on his brow and the wild in his eyes.

“What is it?” She asks, pushing down a sudden spike of worry with wry amusement. “Lost another gamble, have you?”

Scanlan shakes his head, and says in a clear, calm voice: “I need to go to Whitestone. Pike is –”

He stops, then says: “I’ll be back quickly, don’t worry.”

Kaylie slings back her drink and slams it back onto her table with a scowl.

“I don't think so. I’m coming with you.”


	24. Scanlan

They can’t all leave at once, so he leaves with a flash of the gatestone, with promises from Vex and Kaylie that they’ll be there first thing in the morning. It’s disorienting, the snap and light of gatestone travel. He arrives in a blink of an eye, a year’s avoidance unceremoniously ended.

_Welcome back to Whitestone._

Looking around, Scanlan catches a glimpse of towering antlers, a flash of white hair. He doesn’t see the dark shape of Vax, but then he wouldn’t, would he?

Grog is impossible to miss, standing stern and guardianlike in front of the Raven Queen’s temple.


	25. Vex

With no other option, they settle down to wait for the morning. It doesn’t take too long before Vex pops Trinket out of her gem. She and Kaylie sit on the floor, leaning into Trinket’s warm bulk and passing a bottle back and forth. Vex’s fingers slide through Trinket’s fur, absent-minded and slow.

“Part of me thought he might not come,” she says. “Before he left, I’d have never doubted it.”

“I won’t have you taking him,” Kaylie says, quietly. “Not when I’ve just started get used to him.”

Funny, what a year’s time does to your perspective, Vex thinks.


	26. Scanlan

It starts almost immediately.

“ _Oh,_ thank gods you’re here, I was so scared you weren’t gonna come, it’s bad, it’s bad Scanlan, and Kashaw can’t do it, not with Vesh—”

“Keyleth.”

“and Keeper Yennen can’t do it, but I’ve never done this before, what if I mess up—”

“Keyleth.”

“I’m not like Pike, the gods and I don’t exactly have an understanding, especially not now after this whole mess—”

“ _Keyleth_!”

Keyleth stops with a gasp of breath and a sniffle. Her eyes are swollen and she looks so, so afraid. Scanlan takes in a deep breath.

“Take me to her."


	27. Scanlan

Scanlan knows better than most that a hero’s death isn’t peaceful or glorious. It’s messy, and smelly, and painful for everyone involved. No one looks like an angel in death when they die the way Vox Machina does, not even Pike. Hell, the first time she died, she hadn’t even been in one piece –

( _organs spilling over the floor, face twisted in fear and shock and pain, blood thick and sticky on his hands_ )

Her face is a ruin, flesh and bone collapsed into the cavity of her skull.

 “Hey, girl,” he says. The words are thick in his throat.


	28. Scanlan

Scanlan waits until he gets outside to vomit, old wine spilling out onto the dead grass. He feels a large hand pat the span of his back, and Grog rumbles a polite, “tha’s it, let it all out.”

Scanlan wipes his mouth on his sleeve and looks up at him. “What happened?” He asks, and he isn’t quite sure he wants to know. Rage flares in Grog’s eyes, his mouth twists in a rictus of fury.

“Some baby thing. ‘E got Pike. I couldn’t get there in time.”

“I hope you ripped that son of a bitch apart.”

“Not enough.”


	29. Scanlan

“I can’t go in there,” Grog says, when it’s time.

Scanlan frowns. “What, why not?”

Grog shakes his head. “I’ll mess it up,” he says.

“Grog,” Scanlan says, and he tries, desperately, to think of what Pike would say.

“She won’t hear me, ‘s not gonna work,” Grog says, more firmly.

“Of course it will. When I died, I _heard_ Kaylie and Pike. You’re her brother. I know she’ll hear you.”

“You didn’t,” Grog says, looking down at his feet.

“What? Of course I heard them.”

“No,” Grog says, and looks Scanlan straight in the eye, “ _You_ didn’t hear _me._ ”


	30. Grog

Grog watches as Scanlan swallows, and his chest feels hollow and cold, like Pike.

Grog does lots of things really, really well. He might not be good at pretendin’, like Scanlan, or nice, like Pike, but sometimes you gotta be shit at something before you get better. Like Pike says, no one starts off knowin’ everything.

But this isn’t learnin’ to read and write. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if Pike doesn’t come back.

“Pike _will_ hear you, Grog.” Scanlan says, finally. “Try again. Trust me.”

It didn’t work the first time. But. Reading didn’t either.

Grog tries again.


	31. Scanlan

Vax and Keyleth are already in the temple, Vax’s hands gripping Keyleth on either side of her face. His voice is a fierce hiss that Scanlan can’t quite hear, but Keyleth is nodding, her hands covering Vax’s. The conversation slows to a stop, and Vax rests his head against Keyleth’s. Keyleth kisses him once, gently.

Then Keyleth takes a deep breath. She stands tall, straightens her shoulders.

“I’m ready,” she says firmly. She looks proud, determined, like the leader she always said she needed to be.  Scanlan has a moment to wonder when _that_ happened, and then the ritual begins _._


	32. JB Trickfoot

JB never imagined adventure looking like this. Never imagined her cousin, ever shining, to look so dull. JB wants to blame them all, hate each of them for taking Pike away from her when she’s finally gotten her back, but – now’s not the time.

“I never showed you,” she says when the ceremony starts, “but I wrote down everything I heard about you, all things you’ve done. I’m not a very good writer, but I’ll show you, if you want.” She places the book by Pike’s side, hands shaking as she sobs:

 “You can’t leave now, okay? You just can’t.”


	33. Grog

Grog can hardly hear over the rising fury of Keyleth’s chant. He can feel fire spreading through his veins and blood in his mouth and it almost feels like the raging pulse of his anger, but not quite. He’s so _angry_ , though, confused. Scanlan is here after a fucking year and Pike – Pike isn’t. Pike always makes sure people come back but Grog has only made it work with Vax and –

No. He can do this. He knows what to do.

Grog cuts open his palm and grips both of Pike’s gauntlet-covered hands.

“This isn’t over,” he tells her, sternly.


	34. Scanlan

“Long time no see, eh?”

 “It’s been a long year. I’ve had some ups, some downs. I’m trying to be a better person. I’m succeeding, most days. Well, some days. Kaylie’s been great.”

A pause.

  
“I told Kaylie once that she was the gnome I was supposed to love and protect, not you. She, uh, didn’t believe me. _I don’t need any drunk scoundrel watchin’ my back, now do I?_ she said. I guess I can’t blame her for that impression. Gave me a scar for it and everything.”

 “Come back. Please. We have a lot to catch up on.”


	35. Pike

It’s not dark where she is. It feels warm and bright and calm, and Pike feels satisfied for the first time in a long time. But then there’s a tug – a voice, voices, calling to her in the light.

One, two, three. And Pike knows she has to go back. She can’t leave them behind, not when they still need her so much.

Before she goes – a gentle touch, warm lips to her forehead, a smile.

_There will be many challenges when you wake up, my light-bearer. Do not forget your kind heart when you face them._

Pike wakes up.


	36. Scanlan

Pike wakes.

Scanlan watches as his friends surround her. He wishes his modify memory spells lasted longer, that his friends forgot that he was ever fucking there.

Because Scanlan is a liar, and a bastard, and even though they needed him they probably hate him. He would.

_(Sarenrae knows that his own anger blinded him until the cold, stark moment he saw Pike on that damned ceremonial table)._

Scanlan is a liar, but the truth is – the truth is that even though he’s fought fucking dragons, he’s never been more afraid than when Pike opens her eyes and sees him.


	37. Pike

It’s disorienting, coming alive again. Everyone is talking at her and over her and laughing with relief as they see her move and breathe. Keyleth is crying into Vax’s shoulder, saying _I did it, I can’t believe it, thank god._ Even that cold, dark pit in her stomach isn’t twisting the same way as the last time, and so she laughs tearfully with her friends, grabbing them into tight hugs as her face aches. Then, as Grog scoops her up into his arms, she glances up and over his shoulder.

“Scanlan?”

And Scanlan does what he does best.

He runs.


	38. Pike

Pike watches as Scanlan vanishes from the temple, feels physically sick.

( _weird fucking magic_ )

The blood on the altar has been cleaned, but Pike knows what it must have looked like, has attended to the bodies of her friends so many times she’s lost count.

( _that’s a lie_ )

She should be grateful that Scanlan came at all, she thinks.

( _she’s not grateful_ )

( _she’s angry_ )

( _he wasn’t the one who had to bring them all back_ ).

( _he couldn’t stand it even once?_ )

“Pike, are you alright?” Keyleth asks, eyes panicked. “Is something wrong?”

 “No,” Pike says, cracking a smile. “I’m fine.”


	39. Scanlan

Scanlan isn’t sure what to do – isn’t sure if they hate him, isn’t sure if he is, once again, a useful genie to summon only when shit goes really bad.

So Scanlan goes to the one man who’s never let him down. He goes to Jarett.

“I don’t have your drugs!”

“Calm down.”

“You could've gotten me arrested. Lady de Rolo came to me after you left –”

“Forget it,” Scanlan mutters, waving his hand and erasing the conversation from Jarett’s memory.

He turns and sees Pike, her face still pale.

“You haven’t changed, have you?” She asks.

Scanlan vanishes. Again.


	40. Scanlan

He comes back eventually, he always does. And they let him stumble through his explanation of where he’s been _(Ankharel_ ) and what he’s been doing _(Mafia boss_ ), and they don’t forgive him and he’s not sure if he wants them to because he’s not sure if he’s forgiven _them_.

They didn’t deserve all of it, they’re right. But they did deserve some, and he knows know that family sticks together even when they’re shit and if they don’t want him around then he isn’t family anymore.

They tell him to go see Grog and Pike.

Grog just leaves.

Pike stares.


	41. Pike

He’s trying to apologize, but all he’s doing is justifying and talking about himself and he can trick anyone with his words, but not her. Not this. Because she is tired of being tricked and she is so, so  _angry._ The anger is cold and ugly and it was so much easier to push it down when she was trying to get him to come back.

“You insulted me,” she says. “You insulted what I am and what I do. I didn’t know your mother’s name, but you sure didn’t know mine either.”

“That’s fair –”

“You didn’t _trust_ us, Scanlan.”


	42. Scanlan

He’s ruining this. He’s fucking it up, and for once, he doesn’t know what to say to make this better. Of all of them, he never wanted to hurt Pike or Grog.

 “I’m so sorry that I hurt you, Pike. I know I can’t make this better, but--”

Her voice is steady, calm. “We never would have left you behind, Scanlan, _never_. And you left us.”

“You always run away when relationships get too close,” she says coldly. “I don’t want an apology. I want you to fucking fight for us.”

Then she says, “Goodnight, Scanlan,” and closes the door.


	43. Vex

Coming back is painful, Vex sees. When they all meet her and Kaylie in Ankharel, Vex can see the distance between her friends. While her twin is lost in thought, Vex recognizes Tary’s confusion and resentment, knows the anger radiating out of Percy, the solemn contemplative sadness in Keyleth, the cold, closed-off guardedness of Pike and Grog.  She sees the sad, defeated face of Scanlan that only lifts when Kaylie jumps up to wrap him in a hug before pushing him away.

Vex wraps up Pike in a hug, so glad she’s alive, and hopes that this doesn’t break them.


	44. Vex

Vex isn’t as upset as she thought she would be. Of course she’s worried when she meets Lionel, and sees Grog’s broken, violent realization that he’s been replaced. She’s worried when she sees Pike, dull and closed off, perfunctory in a way she’s never been before. She’s worried for Percy, and what he might do.

But she’s happy they’re all together even when each member of her family rebuffs Scanlan, save Vax, and she’s willing to help him because she remembers how much they missed him.

 “I don’t know what to do,” Scanlan says.

“Oh, darling. Just don’t give up.”


	45. Scanlan

Grog still won’t talk to him. Each time Scanlan comes within ten feet Grog stomps away, running up and over the sun dunes with Pike on his shoulders.

Scanlan doesn’t quite understand what to even say to start a conversation. He sure as hell can’t keep up with a punch-out. When he talks to Vex about it, she glances pointedly at Lionel. Then he realizes.

“Look, I know the thing with Lionel looks bad, but,”

“No, I don’t care,” Grog says stiffly. “I don’t.”

“Grog--”

That’s when Lionel runs up.

“What’s up, guys?” Lionel says.

“Duck,” Grog informs him. “D-U-C-K.”


	46. Lionel

Lionel really likes the people Ace came back with. His favorite is the big guy, who’s good at fighting and likes to play around like he does. He was worried at first that Grog was mad at him, but the others told Lionel that he wasn’t, so Lionel guesses it’s okay. He is worried, though, because these people seem like they could be his buddies, and he wants to make sure they’re okay. He goes to Ace.

 “So, did that big guy used to work for you, or something?”

“No.” Ace hesitates, then says, “No, he was my best friend.”


	47. Percy

Vex is a better person than Percy will ever be, he knows that. She is far wiser than he is, and while he’s proud that she’s embraced forgiveness, he’s not fond of how frequently Scanlan is using her as a strategist to crawl his way back into their good graces.

Vex may have forgiven Scanlan for what he said to her before, but Percy has not.

A few days into their journey, Percy pulls Scanlan behind a sand dune, away from the eyes of his friends.

“Scanlan, a word?”

Percy doesn’t want them to see what he’s about to do.


	48. Percy

Percy doesn’t wait for Scanlan to speak.

“How many bullets to make you go away?”

Scanlan is hard to read in the best of times, but even Percy can tell he’s surprised.

“What?”

“Don’t play dumb,” Percy says. “How many bullets to get you to go away for good?”

“You can’t _buy me off_ ,” Scanlan says, and he looks angry, now. Good. His self-righteousness will make this easier.

Percy pulls out Animus and points it Scanlan. His shadow falls long over the gnome, and Percy thinks that Scanlan has never looked so small.

“I’m not trying to,” he says, coldly.


	49. Percy

Scanlan’s eyes go wide. Percy watches carefully as his fingers twitch to magic his way out of this, to force Percy into forgetfulness or forced friendship.

“Look, Percy, you don’t want to do this,” Scanlan starts.

“I am quite certain I do,” Percy says. “I have very limited patience for people taking advantage of my family, Scanlan.”

“I’m not --”

“You are,” Percy says, pulling back the hammer.

Scanlan is sweating. He’s not _sure_ Percy won’t shoot him, and that’s enough for now.

Scanlan swallows, takes in a breath. “I’m not leaving,” he says, firmly. “I need to make things right.”


	50. Percy

Scanlan is nearly shitting himself. Percy can be unstable in the best of times, and Vex has told him how incandescently furious Percy has been. But he also remembers what else Vex told him.

_I’m not leaving._

Scanlan watches as something shifts behind Percy’s eyes, and he finally, finally, holsters his gun.

“You damn well better.”

Scanlan breathes easier.

“Keep my sister’s name out of your mouth,” Percy adds, calmly. Scanlan nods, and Percy turns to walk back to the group. Scanlan feels his shoulder begin to droop with relief.

“Scanlan?”

“Yes?”

“If you hurt Vex, I _will_ kill you.”


	51. Scanlan

When everyone rests for the night and half the party refuses to use the mansion, Scanlan’s not surprised. He drags a bottle up to Kaylie’s room and drinks past when he should sleep to be sober the next day, moves into drinking past when he can keep his feelings to himself.

  
“I’m going out of my head. Why am I even trying so hard? They don’t even fucking like me. They never did.”

  
“You’re a fucken’ idiot, you know that?”

  
“Please, Kaylie, I don’t need the insults right now.”

  
“Da, if they didn’t love you, why would they be mad?”


	52. Scanlan

Love is a complicated thing, Scanlan thinks as he stumbles back to his room. Love. Complicated.

Love isn’t just light and laughter. Love can be angry, love can be disappointed.

Love is a living, breathing thing. Love can change, love can shift.

Love can die.

Scanlan leans up against his bedroom door.

He needs an idea. One that will fix everything.

He’s drunker than he’s been in a good long time, so he sits down.

He knows who to ask.

Then Scanlan does what he’s been doing each day since he left.

Slowly, dizzily, Scanlan prays. And the idea comes.


	53. Pike

However, Pike feels about Scanlan, she hates seeing Grog so miserable. That night, as they camp under the desert stars, Pike volunteers to take first watch with him.

“Hey, Grog.”

“Hey.”

It’s not awkward, though maybe it should be. It’s never been awkward between her and Grog. They always seem to understand each other when they need to.

Pike decides to just bite the bearing.

 “You don’t have to forgive him, Grog. You know I’m super mad, too. But you should talk to him, at least once. Maybe you’ll feel better.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Grog says.

Pike leaves it at that.


	54. Pike

Grog hasn’t forgiven Scanlan yet, Pike knows. Pike also knows that once Grog realizes what they mean to each other, once Scanlan proves that Grog is more than just a body to protect him, things will probably start smoothing over.

Pike’s own feelings are a little more complicated. Staying angry gets harder every day. Pike thinks that this is the hardest Scanlan’s worked for anything in a long time. That means something.

But it doesn’t matter, so long as Scanlan is only focusing on her. She’ll stay angry as long as she needs to be. Her brother deserves that much.


	55. Scanlan

Scanlan approaches Pike the next day, once he’s gathered his wits back together. Pike may be upset, but at least she’s speaking to him. If he can reach her, maybe she can get Grog to talk to him too.

 “Look, I know you hate me.” Scanlan says.

Pike keeps walking.

“I’ve treated you awfully in the past, and I didn’t trust you with the truth or what I was going through. I’m sorry.”

Pike’s steps falter, then he says, quietly, “I’ve been praying to Sarenrae.”

Pike turns towards him, her eyes searching his. Scanlan feels hope flutter in his chest.


	56. Pike

“I’ve never hated you, Scanlan,” Pike says. “You apologized, and I’m happy that you have a positive relationship with your daughter. We can be civil.”

“That’s not what I want.”

 “Scanlan --”

“I know you never took me seriously because I never took myself seriously. This past year, I learned to respect myself, how to build a relationship based on love and trust.”

“You, and Kaylie, and even Grog, sometimes – you guys help me be a better person. A year is one thing, but to live my whole life without you guys would be – the worst. It’s miserable without you guys.”


	57. Pike

The anger Pike’s been trying to keep hold of slips through her hands.

“You really were miserable without us?” She asks, her voice small.

“Well, yeah.”

“Then why did you lie and say everything was _so great_ while you were gone?”

“I didn’t want you to think I was pathetic,” Scanlan said, very quietly. “Or admit that I said all those things and burned those bridges to spend a whole year with my daughter -- and I was still fucked up. That I’ll always be fucked up no matter how good things are.”

“Scanlan,” Pike says, smiling. “We’re all fucked up.”


	58. Scanlan

_Go apologize to Grog_ , Pike tells him sternly, _it’s not good enough to just talk to me._

_Then we’ll be good?_

_We’ll be good._

It’ll be alright. He planned for this.

Scanlan grips his paper tightly as he approaches Grog.

“Hey there buddy. My man. The Grogster.”

Ugh.

Grog eyes Scanlan suspiciously, his glare slightly lessened by the confusion plain on his face.

“Anyway, well. Grog, you’re my friend, and I know we’ve been on the outs, but I just wanted to give you this, as a token of our friendship.”

More nervously than expected, Scanlan hands over the paper.


	59. Grog

“That’s it?” Grog says.

“I can read it to you if you want – ”

“I can read,” Grog says stiffly. Did Scanlan think he was dumb? Dumb as Lionel?

Grog’s heart is pounding in his ears. The thought makes him want to vomit.

“You come back then run away, you fucking try to replace me, and then you apologize to me – to _me_ – with a piece of fucking paper?”

“Grog –”

“You made me feel small!” Grog says, and it isn’t a roar, for all that it feels like it should be.

Scanlan flinches.

“Please, Grog, just look at it,” Scanlan begs.


	60. Grog

It is by far the best thing anyone has ever given him, Grog decides. Grog hasn’t received many gifts, really. That’s not how things worked in the Herd, and even now Grog mostly trades for things he wants.

This isn’t a gift either, though. It’s a bribe.

But it’s a damn good one.

“Did _Lionel_ get something like this?” Grog asks suspiciously.

“No,” Scanlan says firmly. “This is for my best mate only.”

Well, then.

“Apologize to me again,” Grog orders, and Scanlan does, grandly and at long length.

It’s not enough. It’s nowhere near enough. But it’s a start.


	61. Scanlan

Scanlan can’t help but feel relieved, even as they travel to what is probably certain doom under that damn ziggurat. He feels more comfortable in the group too. Not much, but enough that when Kaylie starts grumbling about all the work not being done in Ank’Harel, he sends her back. She goes, with demands that he come back or she’ll track him down and kill him herself, for making her deal with the business all alone.

If Pike doesn’t smile as wide, if Grog doesn’t joke around with him yet, it’s okay. Things aren’t the same, but they’re getting better.


	62. Pike

Without her anger at Scanlan to keep her anchored, Pike feels adrift. She’s been too focused on Scanlan to think about her recent death, and without the cold fury keeping her going all the fear and horror and guilt come crashing down around her.

She’d failed again. She’d been weak, too eager to kill the grey, dying creature in a pitch-black hole.

The sound of chittering insects still haunts her, but that’s not even the worst of it.

She says she’s fine, and she is, mostly, but.

If they hadn’t needed her, would she have even wanted to come back?


	63. Scanlan

The ziggurat is pretty much what he expects, though the woman in charge of the Black Orb of Death, not so much.

Delilah Briarwood. She doesn’t look half-bad for a woman who was literally dissolved in acid.

Despite his best - and frankly suicidal, Kaylie would be pissed at him later - efforts, Delilah gets away, and they go back to Whitestone.

Pike helped to kill Delilah’s husband, something that, from what Scanlan knows of her, she will never let go. Now they’re going after her to the Shadowfell.

Before bed, Scanlan prays.

He can use all the help he can get.


	64. Pike

Thar Amphala is a twisted reflection of a city, buzzing with the groans of the dead rather than the cheer of the living, all spiraling towards the tower Entropis, slick and black, at the center.

Sarenrae is weaker here, her light less bright, but Pike is not afraid, yet.

She and Keyleth bring the monstrous tower down, and she can feel her goddess in every pulse of the quake. Pike feels strong, proud. Victorious.

Then the tower floats down without its base, and Pike sees him – Vecna, the Undying King – and  finally feels sick fear seep down into her stomach.


	65. Scanlan

There’s not much he can do, but he can do this.

He can protect Pike, stopping Vecna’s vindictive magic before it starts. He can heal her, too.

He can scoop up what’s left of Vax. He can stop Vecna from preventing their escape. He can hand over the armor and let the remaining half-elves grieve and be the one who says the words that break their hearts a hundred times over.

Then he can take Delilah’s monstrous eye, and crush it underneath his boot until there’s only a dead poisonous spot in the Feywild to mark that it ever existed.


	66. Scanlan

Scanlan’s not weak-willed. While he may make poor choices here and there, he doesn’t see the appeal of creepy shit like Craven Edge. The eye, in and of itself, doesn’t interest him.

And yet.

His mother, cut down, organs spilling out onto the earth as a goblin laughs.

 _You can help them_.

He doesn’t want it, he _doesn’t._

Pike, face broken open and bloody in the sepulchre of the Raven Queen, not unlike the body of Delilah Briarwood laying crumpled at his feet.

Despite himself, Scanlan’s hand curls up and into the socket, starting to dig.

Percy isn’t fast enough.


	67. Pike

Her body is moving before she can think, grabbing at Scanlan’s face and gripping Scanlan’s wrist and pulling it away from his face, his bloody fingers making a sick sucking sound as they exit the forced space between his eye and its cavity. She smacks the hand holding Delilah’s eye without thinking, hard enough to crack bone, trying to get it as far away as possible with a vicious fervor that surprises her.

Scanlan falls to the ground, clutching his eye, groaning. Pike cups his face, whispering healing words as her hands grow warm to fix the damage.

Thank Sarenrae.


	68. Pike

Later, that night:

“What did it tell you?”

“Hm?”

“The eye. You said it was convincing.”

Scanlan thinks about lying.

Eventually, he says, “It told me I wouldn’t lose you again.”

“Lose me?”

“Lose any of you,” Scanlan corrects quickly.

“You do know that it couldn’t have changed anything, right?” Pike asks, voice soft.

“Yeah, I know.” Scanlan says, rubbing his forehead. “I know.” He hesitates, then says quietly, “I just feel helpless.”

“For what it’s worth,” Pike says, resting a hand on his shoulder as she gets up to leave, “you’re more amazing than anyone gives you credit for.”


	69. Scanlan

Scanlan knows why Vax came back, intellectually.

It makes sense. If your time had ended permanently, why wouldn’t you take advantage of additional time, kill the demi-god threatening your friends?

Emotionally, Scanlan thinks, imagining Keyleth, it’s the dumbest decision Vax has ever made.

Scanlan thinks of Pike, thinks of Vax, of the deals so many of them have made for one another. He remembers the tragedy in their eyes, the courage.

Scanlan’s come to terms with who he is. He’s not holy, he’s not a hero, and he can’t help but fear that he wouldn’t have made the same choice.


	70. Scanlan

Vasselheim is…slightly messier than Scanlan expected. Finding the Lord of the Quadroads is an inspired idea, one only Grog could come up with. The opportunity to get a Wish is tempting. Unfortunately, Vasselheim’s guards are smarter than either he or Grog expected, and Grog is a _terrible_ liar.

Grog does, however, make a fantastic giant eagle.

It’s wild and crazy and he always figured if he was going to get arrested in Vasselheim it would be for his _own_ crimes. But even though it’s insane, and they don’t have time for it, really –

It’s nice. Having his friend again.


End file.
